Ruptured Rapture

No, I am not referring to the much publicized prediction of engineer-turned- evangelist Harold Camping which went flopped last Saturday. Neither do I intend to rub salt to the wounded spirit of his followers who spent hard earned resources for the cause. While some ridiculed them, I still have high regard to these people who dared to give all for a cause. Fanatic, naïve, misled, misguided, blinded or whatever adjectives we wish to describe them. Still they have done their share for the love of the gospel. Who knows there were hearts renewed, lives changed through their perceived naivety or fanaticism. Or even seeds planted, souls led to the doorstep of salvation which later will enter into the gates of heaven.

I still recall the prelude to my conversion. How I responded to the altar call of an evangelist after preaching the gospel and warning us of the urgency of making the decision at that moment. Seconds later would be too late. Like the experience of some, it was motivated by fear of the apocalypses eschatological perils of the unsaved, factual or exaggerated. Regardless of the motivation, that was instrumental to the real conversion and transformation which follow later after a long, painful process.

Yes, I am writing on different subject although not totally unrelated. A different ruptured rapture experience. Ironically, I refer to myself- the quenched excitement for my 57th birthday celebration. Having been under medication due to vulnerable health condition for more than a year, I had high hopes of receiving my long requested gift from God - full recovery on my birthday. Such expectation is not without basis. Conditions have been favorable for its realization. There is considerable progress no matter how slow. I have been faithful to medication, except on occasional drained resources. Religiously I watch my diet, daily walking exercise and other health-related activities with few light lapses. My inner self has been subdued to wait patiently to the Lord. Negative thoughts are controlled, other mental baggage and emotions unloaded, liberally forgiving even the seemingly unforgivable.

Like a student trying hard to maintain the passing grades until graduation, I have been expecting to get the reward on my birthday. For me, it is a fair deal. But two weeks before the expected day, the progress was reversed. Triggered by a negligible lapse, I almost return to the start when my blood pressure shoots up. The progress and hopes almost come to naught.

While reflecting on my condition yesterday, I was inspired to draft this blog. My expected rapture experience on my birthday was ruptured by the erratic health condition. The title was supposedly reserved for an article on the aforementioned failed rapture prediction of Camping. But I make use of it to describe my feeling at the moment of reflection. Last night I ended my draft with this note: God, help me complete the piece with triumphant note tomorrow. Despite my situation now, I have not lost hope. Even tonight, you can make a revolutionary change. You can dramatically heal me, if you will. I entrust to you my health. Your will be done in my life.

Early morning, upon waking up, I was about to start argument with God. However, flashbacks of past memories dominated my thoughts. The pictures of mother’s story concerning the circumstances of my birth played the scene, followed by my father’s image. Then my brothers and our only sister. Soon my wife, kids and significant people that have influenced my life. Until my mind was flooded with beautiful memories of the past events, and people I have worked with in development work, pastoral ministry, my colleagues in social work profession. Even those people I hurt and those who have wronged me, sans the ill feelings.

Overwhelmed by the grace of God for making me survive any storm in life, I almost cried. Subdued, I lost my argument. The only words I uttered are "sorry for my unbelief, for my doubt, for complaining, for failing to fully appreciate what you have done to me. At times, blaming you. I am sorry dear God and thank you for everything. If complete healing please you to give me as my birthday gift, you know very well how happy I will be. If not, I know you will give it to me in the fullness of time."

After meditation and breakfast, I went over my draft. Alternately working on it, as I responded to birthday greetings in social networking and read news on-line. At times, checking updates on Harold Camping’s followers reaction to ruptured rapture prediction. There appears a similarity. Our human tendency to put God into our timetable which is absurd. Upon completion of the article, with relief and enlightenment, I tend to amend the title: Enraptured Rupture. Sounds good for another blog.

Bogged down but not blogged out

The blogging lull in the couple of weeks in May was caused by systems bogged down. First the computer, followed by my own body. Although not necessarily related (but who really knows?), both point to my vulnerability. The laptop which had been my partner through thick and thin for more than three years just turned off. Having no resources for immediate replacement of expensive part, I have to squeeze my schedule with the kids for family computer until my sister-in-law lends me her own for a particular time.

But it did not bridge the gap, right away. Having been attached to the previous laptop, adjustment was not easy for me. All blogging drafts and ideas were stored in it. Despite the gradual transfer of necessary files to alternate computer, I cannot take off in blogging and idea generation. I realized the old laptop ceased to be a mere static electronic device. It has become a personal partner which assists me even in generating ideas and plans. It appears to have a mind of its own, hastening the formulation of plans and project completion.

For more than a year of bout with chronic ailment, aside from the bible, the laptop has been my constant companion especially when bedridden. No matter how they wished to be always at my side during those moments, my wife and kids had to attend to work and studies related activities, respectively. But the bible and the laptop have been constant companions 24/7. Hence, the significant gap with its loss.

As if to make matters worse, when I was about to adjust with an alternative computer, my body bogged down. With limited time for computer, I found another interest – gardening and yard cleaning. Hence, after 30 minutes of morning walking exercises, I extend some minutes in cultivating a plot with spade and digging canals in preparation for rainy season. The new-found diversion enhances my sweat glands which I feel beneficial for my nerve disorder. However, one day, I might have overstretched my capacity. Subsequently, my blood pressure shoot up. Thereafter, it was not stabilized until two weeks of rest.

Feeling bad about the situation, the temptation to shoot endless questions alluding to God or blame oneself dominated my thoughts. More so, that I had set my mind walking down the road to full recovery. Believing to have passed the painful test of times and circumstances, I religiously watched my steps and movements throughout the gradual healing process. Still, this vulnerability which almost put all things together to naught. In that context, one can understand my frustration.

Yet, the feeling was just temporary. Looking back to my past experiences, particularly on how God sustained me all through the pain and sufferings, I immediately discard any negative thought and entrust to Him everything. Then the scenario has changed. I found peace and assurance all things will work out for good in due time, although I don’t know when and how.

With such realization, I resumed blogging, First, posting my open letters to pastors and revising some contributions earlier published in other sites. Bear with me. I have been bogged down twice but not blogged out.

Experience is not the best teacher

Since time immemorial, experience has been acclaimed as the best teacher. Nobody dares argue. Not until somebody claims, it is the worst. I don't want to join the debate because I already found the best teacher, i.e. life itself. A timeless, tireless, relentless and irresistible teacher, as well. Giving me lessons, despite my unwillingness to learn.

The year 2009 will long be forgotten by my family as it marks my 55th birthday. At the peak of service, I felt relatively stable and fulfilled in my achievements. The ups and downs of life's experiences have increased my knowledge and honed my skills in living and serving. Unsophisticated, my direction was to receive less and give more. Beaming with confidence I have learned much from life, my motivation was to teach and share with others the riches of knowledge and experiences in service.

At that time, my successful leadership as national president of the Baptist pastors affiliated with the Convention of Philippine Baptist Churches was wrapping up. Five years earlier, I was awarded as one of the ten outstanding social workers of the Philippines. I could not have asked for more except longer life to continue my service. And to consolidate my life's experiences and service into a dream book/publication on spirituality for future references.

All of the sudden, the ecstasy was shattered by a chronic heart ailment, compounded with unusual nerve disorder in the last quarter of the aforementioned year. A matter of three months away from our national assembly to cap my six years of service and leadership. It was a devastating experience for me and my family. The worst we ever encountered so far. Such condition has constrained my active life of service. Adding pain was the realization that we have given all in service without saving for ourselves in times of crisis.

Since then, most of my time has been spent at home due to limited mobility, making me vulnerable to discouragement and depression. This condition goes on for more than a year. An on-going wrestle with the nagging issues of pain and suffering and search for the meaning of all these experiences in life. Still, I manage (should I say, force) to maintain my teaching employment, after 8 months of sick leave.

The healing process has been very slow with intervals of critical interlude due to heat and humidity or every time I overstretch my limits. During lucid times, I almost forget my condition, especially when missing my traditional diversion at home –carpentry, gardening and yard cleaning. Hence, I end up either with strained heart or hypertensive condition which require more medication and time to recover. It is here where experience is no longer best teacher.

However, my attitude has dramatically changed. Instead of lingering on endless questions and debates, alluding to God or blaming self and circumstances, I take everything as part of the process. Assured that sooner or later, I will learn lessons and find the meaning to any circumstance in life. For, indeed, "nothing can separate us from the love of God." He will never allow all of life - experiences, pains and gains, sorrows and joys in service, and more to come to naught. For after all, He is with us now and in eternity. Reflecting on the totality of life – both here and thereafter, I have discovered the real best teacher. LIFE itself.

PADAYON KATIPAN (Keep up the Covenant) - Part II

EDSA Revolution is a product of respective struggles participated in by the basic masses gaining support from various sectors of diverse orientation, status, political and ideological leanings, colors and shapes. Youth, professionals, church people, businessmen and women, government officials, military and others. All have contributed their share in shaping the Philippine history. Try to isolate one, and the beauty of the event is gone. Just like the rainbow. With only three primary colors (red, yellow, blue), a beautiful multiplication of colors takes place when they link, interact, and overlap. Try to separate one from the other, and the beauty of rainbow is gone.

Such is the message of PADAYON KATIPAN. The collective faith and action must be uphold in order to sustain the unprecedented success, the changes, the development in our association. The moment we cease to keep up the covenant, we will be condemned to repeat the past.

I decided to keep silent for a year, not just because of my health. But to give more time for my successor to establish his leadership. Although the last quarter of 2009 was a transitory period when my illness confined me to an electronic leadership through text and internet. At that time, Pastor Francis Neil G. Jalando-on and Rev. Rustom B. Ola were already taking the lead together with the CBMA Board.

Undeniably, however, my productive terms had embedded on the organizational culture. More so, with my closeness to him, being in the team leading the change. Hence, a year of rest and silence was the best option for a transition which became effective. For it was marked with the establishment of Pastor Jalando-on’s leadership. The only thing I contributed to him was the turn over of records and unfinished tasks and assurance of my prayer support.

My illness has given me sufficient time to rest, pray, meditate, read the bible, reflect and write. All the wonderful experience my previous hectic schedule deprived me. But it’s lingering effect exposes my vulnerability. There were times when I had already resolved to go to the beyond bringing with me thoughts of our collective success.

The only thing that holds back is the commitment made on that haunting day when I was about to respire my last breath: “Not now, Lord... for my family… the CBMA…there are still evil to fight and conquer.” I believe God took notice of that appeal and sincere desire as manifested in the extension and subsequently slow but sure healing process.

This is the commitment that keeps me going despite the pain and vulnerability experience for more than a year now. It is in this context that I now view your decision to bestow on me the title of President Emeritus. A providential niche for my lifetime commitment to CBMA. As long as I live, you can assure of my service to the CBMA. Let us continue our collective faith and action. PADAYON KATIPAN, ANO MAN ANG ATON MADANGATAN. (Keep up the covenant, no matter what.)

PADAYON KATIPAN (Keep up the Covenant)

(Article first published as open letter for Baptist Pastors on Pahayag, official publication of the Convention Baptist Ministers Association.)

Two words that capped my SONATA 2010 (State of the Association Address) as a clincher to six years of service as your president. The best years I have ever given to a particular cause in my lifetime. Years that witness the commitment and dedication surpassing my other endeavors, paid or likewise voluntary in nature.

It will be recalled that PADAYON was the word used to close the successful conduct of our 68th National Assembly in 2009. Inspired by your overwhelming responses, I was looking for a punch line to sustain the momentum in delivering the concluding remarks. Then came the text message from my *Ihado when the worship leader innovatively asked us to write a message to a person of choice. All the notes coming to me have common message of encouragement to “keep up the good work.” My ihado gave me a note with one word which captured all other messages: PADAYON

KATIPAN, on the other hand, has become a symbol of our unity and success. It bespeaks of the realization of collective faith and action (Katumanan sang Tingob nga Pagtoo kag binuhatan). It sums up our victory in reclaiming the spiritual heritage of the Camp Higher Ground as icon of serenity, spirituality and renewal. Katipan has even galvanized our relationship bringing our association to the door step of the leadership and politics in Convention of Philippine Baptist Churches.

KATIPAN was added during my swan song in SONATA 2010. Purposely as a recognition of our collective success, it also serve as reminder to stay true to our covenant. I thought that was the last time I would be using the two words, cognizant of the end of my term and my unstable health condition. Not until our CBMA Coordinator invited me to write an article for the Pahayag. I immediately said yes. For I want to use the opportunity to officially thank you for the support you have extended me and my family in the most trying moments in our life. Although not fully recovered yet, the delay has been compensated by the inner healing and renewal which strengthened my faith and determination.

Excited to communicate with you again, I found myself overwhelmed with all the journal, thoughts, insights which accumulated for more than a year of reflections. This is the second time it happened. The first was last February, while making reflections on the 25th Anniversary of EDSA Revolution. Extracting from aforementioned references, those two words dominantly flashed back in my mind.

The significance of EDSA has been carved in the innermost part of my soul. It was the turning point of my life. When I left seminary in 1984, one semester before graduation, I thought it was a goodbye. Aware of the risk of full time solidarity work during the intensification of the people’s struggle, I was not expecting to see the dawn of the new day. By God’s grace, I have seen it and more. After the historic EDSA '86, I decided to go back to the seminary to resume my studies. Thereafter a paradigm shift in my direction took place. The rest is history

*Wedding godson
(To be continued)

Letter for MSPM students

Dear Pastor,


It’s more than a year that we have not met. Not only due to my health condition but also with the change of leadership in the Convention Baptist Ministers Association (CBMA) and Convention of Philippine Baptist Churches (CPBC). Having been inactive, I am no longer acquainted with the direction and priorities of both organizations. But this is just a temporary set back. With the slow but sure healing process, it won’t be long and, by the grace of God, I will resume my commitment to the full.

The scene during the most critical moment in my life has already been embedded in my mind. When I was about to make the last breath, my final thought was: "Not now, Lord...please...because of my family, the CBMA, and there are many evil to fight still." God might have heard my last appeal and searched my heart that He made me survive. The long and painful process of recovery has become a purging process to me and almost daily I experience healing inside. With this development, I become optimistic to receive the total healing soon.

And with the initial physical healing, I have started to fulfill my commitment to God for my family in the last months. I feel the time has come for me to move the next level and do the last later. Having learned from experience, I want to move slower this time. Hence, I will focus first on the Master of Social Pastoral Ministries (MSPM). Our priority is to have all those who started the program complete the requirements. At the same time, train those who have graduated either to assist or handle another batch who signify their interest to avail of the program. Our target is to expand to other evangelical groups and the lay leaders.

It is in this connection that I would like to invite you to a reunion meeting and seminar on May 30, 2011, 9:00 am- 3:00 pm at Central Philippine University. The University Outreach Center will sponsor the seminar, as culminating outreach activity of Dr. Melvin M. Mangana for the pastors. Our newly formed Learning Institute for the Fullness of life and Empowerment (LIFE), Inc. will co sponsor the activity. We will take charge of the food and lodging when necessary. Your counterpart is the transportation expenses.

Please confirm attendance not later than May 27. God bless you.


In the service,



(Sgd)EDWIN I. LARIZA