Friday, May 27, 2011

Ruptured Rapture

No, I am not referring to the much publicized prediction of engineer-turned- evangelist Harold Camping which went flopped last Saturday. Neither do I intend to rub salt to the wounded spirit of his followers who spent hard earned resources for the cause. While some ridiculed them, I still have high regard to these people who dared to give all for a cause. Fanatic, naïve, misled, misguided, blinded or whatever adjectives we wish to describe them. Still they have done their share for the love of the gospel. Who knows there were hearts renewed, lives changed through their perceived naivety or fanaticism. Or even seeds planted, souls led to the doorstep of salvation which later will enter into the gates of heaven.

I still recall the prelude to my conversion. How I responded to the altar call of an evangelist after preaching the gospel and warning us of the urgency of making the decision at that moment. Seconds later would be too late. Like the experience of some, it was motivated by fear of the apocalypses eschatological perils of the unsaved, factual or exaggerated. Regardless of the motivation, that was instrumental to the real conversion and transformation which follow later after a long, painful process.

Yes, I am writing on different subject although not totally unrelated. A different ruptured rapture experience. Ironically, I refer to myself- the quenched excitement for my 57th birthday celebration. Having been under medication due to vulnerable health condition for more than a year, I had high hopes of receiving my long requested gift from God - full recovery on my birthday. Such expectation is not without basis. Conditions have been favorable for its realization. There is considerable progress no matter how slow. I have been faithful to medication, except on occasional drained resources. Religiously I watch my diet, daily walking exercise and other health-related activities with few light lapses. My inner self has been subdued to wait patiently to the Lord. Negative thoughts are controlled, other mental baggage and emotions unloaded, liberally forgiving even the seemingly unforgivable.

Like a student trying hard to maintain the passing grades until graduation, I have been expecting to get the reward on my birthday. For me, it is a fair deal. But two weeks before the expected day, the progress was reversed. Triggered by a negligible lapse, I almost return to the start when my blood pressure shoots up. The progress and hopes almost come to naught.

While reflecting on my condition yesterday, I was inspired to draft this blog. My expected rapture experience on my birthday was ruptured by the erratic health condition. The title was supposedly reserved for an article on the aforementioned failed rapture prediction of Camping. But I make use of it to describe my feeling at the moment of reflection. Last night I ended my draft with this note: God, help me complete the piece with triumphant note tomorrow. Despite my situation now, I have not lost hope. Even tonight, you can make a revolutionary change. You can dramatically heal me, if you will. I entrust to you my health. Your will be done in my life.

Early morning, upon waking up, I was about to start argument with God. However, flashbacks of past memories dominated my thoughts. The pictures of mother’s story concerning the circumstances of my birth played the scene, followed by my father’s image. Then my brothers and our only sister. Soon my wife, kids and significant people that have influenced my life. Until my mind was flooded with beautiful memories of the past events, and people I have worked with in development work, pastoral ministry, my colleagues in social work profession. Even those people I hurt and those who have wronged me, sans the ill feelings.

Overwhelmed by the grace of God for making me survive any storm in life, I almost cried. Subdued, I lost my argument. The only words I uttered are "sorry for my unbelief, for my doubt, for complaining, for failing to fully appreciate what you have done to me. At times, blaming you. I am sorry dear God and thank you for everything. If complete healing please you to give me as my birthday gift, you know very well how happy I will be. If not, I know you will give it to me in the fullness of time."

After meditation and breakfast, I went over my draft. Alternately working on it, as I responded to birthday greetings in social networking and read news on-line. At times, checking updates on Harold Camping’s followers reaction to ruptured rapture prediction. There appears a similarity. Our human tendency to put God into our timetable which is absurd. Upon completion of the article, with relief and enlightenment, I tend to amend the title: Enraptured Rupture. Sounds good for another blog.

No comments:

Post a Comment