Ruptured Rapture

No, I am not referring to the much publicized prediction of engineer-turned- evangelist Harold Camping which went flopped last Saturday. Neither do I intend to rub salt to the wounded spirit of his followers who spent hard earned resources for the cause. While some ridiculed them, I still have high regard to these people who dared to give all for a cause. Fanatic, naïve, misled, misguided, blinded or whatever adjectives we wish to describe them. Still they have done their share for the love of the gospel. Who knows there were hearts renewed, lives changed through their perceived naivety or fanaticism. Or even seeds planted, souls led to the doorstep of salvation which later will enter into the gates of heaven.

I still recall the prelude to my conversion. How I responded to the altar call of an evangelist after preaching the gospel and warning us of the urgency of making the decision at that moment. Seconds later would be too late. Like the experience of some, it was motivated by fear of the apocalypses eschatological perils of the unsaved, factual or exaggerated. Regardless of the motivation, that was instrumental to the real conversion and transformation which follow later after a long, painful process.

Yes, I am writing on different subject although not totally unrelated. A different ruptured rapture experience. Ironically, I refer to myself- the quenched excitement for my 57th birthday celebration. Having been under medication due to vulnerable health condition for more than a year, I had high hopes of receiving my long requested gift from God - full recovery on my birthday. Such expectation is not without basis. Conditions have been favorable for its realization. There is considerable progress no matter how slow. I have been faithful to medication, except on occasional drained resources. Religiously I watch my diet, daily walking exercise and other health-related activities with few light lapses. My inner self has been subdued to wait patiently to the Lord. Negative thoughts are controlled, other mental baggage and emotions unloaded, liberally forgiving even the seemingly unforgivable.

Like a student trying hard to maintain the passing grades until graduation, I have been expecting to get the reward on my birthday. For me, it is a fair deal. But two weeks before the expected day, the progress was reversed. Triggered by a negligible lapse, I almost return to the start when my blood pressure shoots up. The progress and hopes almost come to naught.

While reflecting on my condition yesterday, I was inspired to draft this blog. My expected rapture experience on my birthday was ruptured by the erratic health condition. The title was supposedly reserved for an article on the aforementioned failed rapture prediction of Camping. But I make use of it to describe my feeling at the moment of reflection. Last night I ended my draft with this note: God, help me complete the piece with triumphant note tomorrow. Despite my situation now, I have not lost hope. Even tonight, you can make a revolutionary change. You can dramatically heal me, if you will. I entrust to you my health. Your will be done in my life.

Early morning, upon waking up, I was about to start argument with God. However, flashbacks of past memories dominated my thoughts. The pictures of mother’s story concerning the circumstances of my birth played the scene, followed by my father’s image. Then my brothers and our only sister. Soon my wife, kids and significant people that have influenced my life. Until my mind was flooded with beautiful memories of the past events, and people I have worked with in development work, pastoral ministry, my colleagues in social work profession. Even those people I hurt and those who have wronged me, sans the ill feelings.

Overwhelmed by the grace of God for making me survive any storm in life, I almost cried. Subdued, I lost my argument. The only words I uttered are "sorry for my unbelief, for my doubt, for complaining, for failing to fully appreciate what you have done to me. At times, blaming you. I am sorry dear God and thank you for everything. If complete healing please you to give me as my birthday gift, you know very well how happy I will be. If not, I know you will give it to me in the fullness of time."

After meditation and breakfast, I went over my draft. Alternately working on it, as I responded to birthday greetings in social networking and read news on-line. At times, checking updates on Harold Camping’s followers reaction to ruptured rapture prediction. There appears a similarity. Our human tendency to put God into our timetable which is absurd. Upon completion of the article, with relief and enlightenment, I tend to amend the title: Enraptured Rupture. Sounds good for another blog.

Bogged down but not blogged out

The blogging lull in the couple of weeks in May was caused by systems bogged down. First the computer, followed by my own body. Although not necessarily related (but who really knows?), both point to my vulnerability. The laptop which had been my partner through thick and thin for more than three years just turned off. Having no resources for immediate replacement of expensive part, I have to squeeze my schedule with the kids for family computer until my sister-in-law lends me her own for a particular time.

But it did not bridge the gap, right away. Having been attached to the previous laptop, adjustment was not easy for me. All blogging drafts and ideas were stored in it. Despite the gradual transfer of necessary files to alternate computer, I cannot take off in blogging and idea generation. I realized the old laptop ceased to be a mere static electronic device. It has become a personal partner which assists me even in generating ideas and plans. It appears to have a mind of its own, hastening the formulation of plans and project completion.

For more than a year of bout with chronic ailment, aside from the bible, the laptop has been my constant companion especially when bedridden. No matter how they wished to be always at my side during those moments, my wife and kids had to attend to work and studies related activities, respectively. But the bible and the laptop have been constant companions 24/7. Hence, the significant gap with its loss.

As if to make matters worse, when I was about to adjust with an alternative computer, my body bogged down. With limited time for computer, I found another interest – gardening and yard cleaning. Hence, after 30 minutes of morning walking exercises, I extend some minutes in cultivating a plot with spade and digging canals in preparation for rainy season. The new-found diversion enhances my sweat glands which I feel beneficial for my nerve disorder. However, one day, I might have overstretched my capacity. Subsequently, my blood pressure shoot up. Thereafter, it was not stabilized until two weeks of rest.

Feeling bad about the situation, the temptation to shoot endless questions alluding to God or blame oneself dominated my thoughts. More so, that I had set my mind walking down the road to full recovery. Believing to have passed the painful test of times and circumstances, I religiously watched my steps and movements throughout the gradual healing process. Still, this vulnerability which almost put all things together to naught. In that context, one can understand my frustration.

Yet, the feeling was just temporary. Looking back to my past experiences, particularly on how God sustained me all through the pain and sufferings, I immediately discard any negative thought and entrust to Him everything. Then the scenario has changed. I found peace and assurance all things will work out for good in due time, although I don’t know when and how.

With such realization, I resumed blogging, First, posting my open letters to pastors and revising some contributions earlier published in other sites. Bear with me. I have been bogged down twice but not blogged out.

Experience is not the best teacher

Since time immemorial, experience has been acclaimed as the best teacher. Nobody dares argue. Not until somebody claims, it is the worst. I don't want to join the debate because I already found the best teacher, i.e. life itself. A timeless, tireless, relentless and irresistible teacher, as well. Giving me lessons, despite my unwillingness to learn.

The year 2009 will long be forgotten by my family as it marks my 55th birthday. At the peak of service, I felt relatively stable and fulfilled in my achievements. The ups and downs of life's experiences have increased my knowledge and honed my skills in living and serving. Unsophisticated, my direction was to receive less and give more. Beaming with confidence I have learned much from life, my motivation was to teach and share with others the riches of knowledge and experiences in service.

At that time, my successful leadership as national president of the Baptist pastors affiliated with the Convention of Philippine Baptist Churches was wrapping up. Five years earlier, I was awarded as one of the ten outstanding social workers of the Philippines. I could not have asked for more except longer life to continue my service. And to consolidate my life's experiences and service into a dream book/publication on spirituality for future references.

All of the sudden, the ecstasy was shattered by a chronic heart ailment, compounded with unusual nerve disorder in the last quarter of the aforementioned year. A matter of three months away from our national assembly to cap my six years of service and leadership. It was a devastating experience for me and my family. The worst we ever encountered so far. Such condition has constrained my active life of service. Adding pain was the realization that we have given all in service without saving for ourselves in times of crisis.

Since then, most of my time has been spent at home due to limited mobility, making me vulnerable to discouragement and depression. This condition goes on for more than a year. An on-going wrestle with the nagging issues of pain and suffering and search for the meaning of all these experiences in life. Still, I manage (should I say, force) to maintain my teaching employment, after 8 months of sick leave.

The healing process has been very slow with intervals of critical interlude due to heat and humidity or every time I overstretch my limits. During lucid times, I almost forget my condition, especially when missing my traditional diversion at home –carpentry, gardening and yard cleaning. Hence, I end up either with strained heart or hypertensive condition which require more medication and time to recover. It is here where experience is no longer best teacher.

However, my attitude has dramatically changed. Instead of lingering on endless questions and debates, alluding to God or blaming self and circumstances, I take everything as part of the process. Assured that sooner or later, I will learn lessons and find the meaning to any circumstance in life. For, indeed, "nothing can separate us from the love of God." He will never allow all of life - experiences, pains and gains, sorrows and joys in service, and more to come to naught. For after all, He is with us now and in eternity. Reflecting on the totality of life – both here and thereafter, I have discovered the real best teacher. LIFE itself.

PADAYON KATIPAN (Keep up the Covenant) - Part II

EDSA Revolution is a product of respective struggles participated in by the basic masses gaining support from various sectors of diverse orientation, status, political and ideological leanings, colors and shapes. Youth, professionals, church people, businessmen and women, government officials, military and others. All have contributed their share in shaping the Philippine history. Try to isolate one, and the beauty of the event is gone. Just like the rainbow. With only three primary colors (red, yellow, blue), a beautiful multiplication of colors takes place when they link, interact, and overlap. Try to separate one from the other, and the beauty of rainbow is gone.

Such is the message of PADAYON KATIPAN. The collective faith and action must be uphold in order to sustain the unprecedented success, the changes, the development in our association. The moment we cease to keep up the covenant, we will be condemned to repeat the past.

I decided to keep silent for a year, not just because of my health. But to give more time for my successor to establish his leadership. Although the last quarter of 2009 was a transitory period when my illness confined me to an electronic leadership through text and internet. At that time, Pastor Francis Neil G. Jalando-on and Rev. Rustom B. Ola were already taking the lead together with the CBMA Board.

Undeniably, however, my productive terms had embedded on the organizational culture. More so, with my closeness to him, being in the team leading the change. Hence, a year of rest and silence was the best option for a transition which became effective. For it was marked with the establishment of Pastor Jalando-on’s leadership. The only thing I contributed to him was the turn over of records and unfinished tasks and assurance of my prayer support.

My illness has given me sufficient time to rest, pray, meditate, read the bible, reflect and write. All the wonderful experience my previous hectic schedule deprived me. But it’s lingering effect exposes my vulnerability. There were times when I had already resolved to go to the beyond bringing with me thoughts of our collective success.

The only thing that holds back is the commitment made on that haunting day when I was about to respire my last breath: “Not now, Lord... for my family… the CBMA…there are still evil to fight and conquer.” I believe God took notice of that appeal and sincere desire as manifested in the extension and subsequently slow but sure healing process.

This is the commitment that keeps me going despite the pain and vulnerability experience for more than a year now. It is in this context that I now view your decision to bestow on me the title of President Emeritus. A providential niche for my lifetime commitment to CBMA. As long as I live, you can assure of my service to the CBMA. Let us continue our collective faith and action. PADAYON KATIPAN, ANO MAN ANG ATON MADANGATAN. (Keep up the covenant, no matter what.)

PADAYON KATIPAN (Keep up the Covenant)

(Article first published as open letter for Baptist Pastors on Pahayag, official publication of the Convention Baptist Ministers Association.)

Two words that capped my SONATA 2010 (State of the Association Address) as a clincher to six years of service as your president. The best years I have ever given to a particular cause in my lifetime. Years that witness the commitment and dedication surpassing my other endeavors, paid or likewise voluntary in nature.

It will be recalled that PADAYON was the word used to close the successful conduct of our 68th National Assembly in 2009. Inspired by your overwhelming responses, I was looking for a punch line to sustain the momentum in delivering the concluding remarks. Then came the text message from my *Ihado when the worship leader innovatively asked us to write a message to a person of choice. All the notes coming to me have common message of encouragement to “keep up the good work.” My ihado gave me a note with one word which captured all other messages: PADAYON

KATIPAN, on the other hand, has become a symbol of our unity and success. It bespeaks of the realization of collective faith and action (Katumanan sang Tingob nga Pagtoo kag binuhatan). It sums up our victory in reclaiming the spiritual heritage of the Camp Higher Ground as icon of serenity, spirituality and renewal. Katipan has even galvanized our relationship bringing our association to the door step of the leadership and politics in Convention of Philippine Baptist Churches.

KATIPAN was added during my swan song in SONATA 2010. Purposely as a recognition of our collective success, it also serve as reminder to stay true to our covenant. I thought that was the last time I would be using the two words, cognizant of the end of my term and my unstable health condition. Not until our CBMA Coordinator invited me to write an article for the Pahayag. I immediately said yes. For I want to use the opportunity to officially thank you for the support you have extended me and my family in the most trying moments in our life. Although not fully recovered yet, the delay has been compensated by the inner healing and renewal which strengthened my faith and determination.

Excited to communicate with you again, I found myself overwhelmed with all the journal, thoughts, insights which accumulated for more than a year of reflections. This is the second time it happened. The first was last February, while making reflections on the 25th Anniversary of EDSA Revolution. Extracting from aforementioned references, those two words dominantly flashed back in my mind.

The significance of EDSA has been carved in the innermost part of my soul. It was the turning point of my life. When I left seminary in 1984, one semester before graduation, I thought it was a goodbye. Aware of the risk of full time solidarity work during the intensification of the people’s struggle, I was not expecting to see the dawn of the new day. By God’s grace, I have seen it and more. After the historic EDSA '86, I decided to go back to the seminary to resume my studies. Thereafter a paradigm shift in my direction took place. The rest is history

*Wedding godson
(To be continued)

Resurrection: A Payback?

Let me propose this angle in addition to the unlimited significance of the resurrection of Jesus. Viewing resurrection as a reward to the greatest volunteer the world ever had. A precedence that may inspire millions of nameless volunteers worldwide. No matter how unsolicited this inspirational piece appears to some, though. Others may dislike this proposal. Volunteers will even protest the title. But certainly majority will agree with the claim that Jesus is the greatest volunteer. So, let’s start from this commonality and settle the differences later in this article.

Biblical writers have various description of the voluntary act of Jesus. But I like the Pauline version in Philippians 2:5-8 (NIV): “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!”

The Gospel records instances when Jesus insists on undergoing the voluntary process despite the supposed favor from people who know him as the messiah. When John the Baptist appears reluctant to perform the baptism ritual, Jesus prevails on him: “Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” (Matthew 4:14-15)

Many times, Jesus rebukes his disciples in their actuations to seek redress to injustice and discrimination against his dignity. Unwelcome in his attempt to bridge the gap between warring cultures, he suffers discrimination in one Samaritan village. When James and John insinuate punishment to the humiliating experience, Jesus forbids therm. (Luke 9:51-55). Jesus calmly tells Peter to hold peace, in the latter’s attempt to fight back against the savagery of his captors: “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matthew26:53)

He washes his disciple’s feet at the height of leadership struggle position during the last supper. The lobbying of both John and James and their mother for position in the kingdom might have sparked the internal conflict. Hence, nobody appears willing to do the menial t ask which earlier they enjoy taking turns. Jesus volunteers.

Jesus consistently exemplifies the spirit of volunteerism in his lifestyle and teachings. He voluntarily follows all the requirements of the law, although in some instances, he deliberately skirt man -made unreasonable insertion and imposition to the requirements of God. He successfully passes the final challenge in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Subsequently, the divine justice expedites the awarding ceremony for the greatest volunteer in the world. St. Paul beautifully uses this clincher to the narrative of Jesus voluntary act: Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:10-11)

I am not advocating pay back mentality. The bible abhors the practice of giving favor or doing service. Jesus even issues a strange rebuke to the perpetrators and perpetuators of this kind of mentality in Luke 14:12- 14. “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

Certainly, volunteers do not expect rewards. The last parable in the Gospel of Matthew (25:31-46) confirms this with the scenario of great surprises. In the final end, during the awarding ceremony, as the chaff is separated from the grain, sheep and goat divided, the result is beyond expectation. But volunteers receive their awards.

True, volunteers do not expect awards. But who can question God’s divine justice to recompense the faithful? Is there something wrong in viewing resurrection as a payback for volunteerism?

The significance of Jesus suffering : Incarnation- Resurrection

The Garden of Gethsemane, on the way to the cross, serves as venue of Jesus affirmation on his willingness to sacrifice as redeemer. There he wrestles with his humanity vis-a-vis the divine mandate. As recorded in the gospel, the scene in the garden portrays the last struggle. Jesus pours out his innermost thoughts and feelings to the Father. Reviewing the justice requirements and redemption scheme, he attempts to argue for other alternatives apart from the cup of suffering and death. In the end, he seals his commitment to undergo the last stage of redemption with this prayer: Nevertheless, your will be done, not mine.

Thereafter, the culmination of his suffering takes place. The cross is only part of the womb- to- the- tomb painful experiences of Jesus. Hence, the old rugged cross is not the only thing we must cherish and exchange someday with a crown. Our salvation is not the product of the suffering of Jesus just on the cross. It is the totality of the life of Jesus that exemplifies the love of God for humanity.

From conception, he has already foretaste the cruel world system. The intrigues his earthly family encounters due to the controversial pregnancy prior to marriage. At birth, he has been exposed to vulnerable condition of the poorest of the poor, being born in a manager. His childhood experience is colored with the uncertain life of refugees to escape the persecution. Likewise, he has to adjust to the internal struggle in family relationship, as well as the immediate social environment as he keeps up the ideal living, even going against the norms.

Prior to his public ministry, he has to undergo the process of immersion. Living in a depressed community, he has seen the hypocrisy of leaders in the socio-cultural, economic and political structures. Their wanton disregard of the avowed mission to serve the people as ordained by God. How corruption and abuse of power has encroached the ideal immunity of the religious establishment. How religion has been used for business and profit. Yes, he has witness how leaders enrich themselves at the expense of the people they are supposed to develop. .

Jesus also knows the struggle of well meaning people in the government and other sectors including revolutionary forces in effecting change. Their two pronged vulnerabilities- stereotype from victims and antagonism from the mainstream perpetrators. Aware of their conviction, he includes some of them in the core of his disciples, mainly composed of representatives from the basic masses.

It is in this context that our observance of religious events or even public holiday should be done in the totality of the life of the honoree. It’s unfortunate that Christians have become selective in remembering the life of Jesus. Traditionally, there are only two most celebrated events in his life- Incarnation and Passion. Recent survey of the Social Weather Stations revealed that Filipinos consider Christmas as the most important of the two.

The other aspects of Jesus life are seemingly neglected, especially his manhood. Some sociologists and theologians view this as manifestation of cultural distortion or vested interests. We love to think of the baby Jesus and Crucified Christ. Their images evoke compassion. More importantly, less threatening as they reflect innocence and helplessness. But we are uncomfortable of the adult Jesus who confronts everyone without fear or favor, even turning the tables of those who make business out of religion. It seems, we want to evade the Jesus who challenges us to follow his example in service.

As one clergy observes, almost all church members can easily recite John 3:16. But many do not know what is 1 John 3:16. Indeed, it is comforting to know that God loves us so much to the extent of giving His only Son for us. It is another thing to show our love by sacrificing for others.

The significance of Jesus suffering

In the previous post we clarify that there is no virtue in suffering. Instead, suffering produces virtues. St. Paul, in his letter to Romans (5:3-4), identifies some as perseverance,character,and hope. Those who have undergone suffering, as well as witnesses to the sufferings of others will surely agree with the claim. Stories of transformation in individuals and their significant others are innumerable to tell. My life-journey is now part of that package.

But what makes the significance of Jesus peculiar? The prophet Isaiah has already provided the answer long before this was first asked. “He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” (Isaiah 53:4-5), New Living Translation,2007

Published by Redemptivebooks Publishing, Iloilo City,
 Philippines. The author can be contacted through:
creationfallredemption@yahoo.com

A brother in faith and partner in development endeavors has a very clear and logical presentation of this redemptive process. Atty. Edwin R.Catacutan considers his book, Creation, Fall and Redemption as a lawyer’s incursion into Christian Theology. In half- an- inch thick document, the book capsulizes the story of the Bible. For him the bible is divided into two parts with highlight on the three significant cosmic events, i.e. the title of the book. These are the dominant thoughts of the Bible story. The first part (Creation and Fall) contains the reasons why the rest of the bible was written – Redemption Procedure: Effects and Aftermath.

As a justice requirement, there needs to be a redeemer to the sentenced humanity. Legally, angels are disqualified, having no physical body and subsequent death. As progeny of Adam already burdened with own death, nobody from the human race is qualified. Hence, no one can substitute for another, or for own self, despite willful act. Neither can any one force another to sacrifice for himself. Purchasing redemption is also a legal impossibility. For, as the author argues, with reference to the bible, “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, the world, and they that dwell therein.” (Psalm 24.1)

The only option is a kinsman of the human race who is able and willing to do the job. A truly man, with flesh and blood not contaminated by sinful nature, who can truly experience death. The only mathematical solution is a virgin birth - child of a woman, begotten of the Holy Spirit. … That way the offspring, while being man, can also be truly God who is able to perform task of redeemer.

To be continued

The virtue is not in suffering

While many tend to glorify suffering, people who experience it will surely disagree. Having tasted the worst in life, so far, I can attest to this.

Yet, the belief in the virtue of suffering has been embedded in the psyche of Filipinos for centuries. More so, that there are also efforts to perpetuate such conviction for reasons only known to perpetrators. Some take suffering as a pass to heaven. Others look at sufferings as trademark of the followers of Christ. There are denominations that associate or even expect their clergy to undergo the process inevitably. Church members fondly call their pastors manugpangabudlay. An Ilonggo term which connotes hardship and difficulties.

Countries with colonial past, where religion is used in conquest are most vulnerable to this fate. Like the case of the Philippines. Historians note how colonizers integrate religion into their subjugation scheme. From feudalistic to capitalist systems, religion plays a big role in domestication of the subjects. In the context of the Philippine, as pointed out by nationalist historians, while the sword was used in conquest, the cross pacified resistance. The blessedness of poverty, mourning, oppression and persecution as taught in the church make people accept their fate, with relief, expectant of the future reward.

The belief in the virtue of suffering is more evident during Lenten season. Most often, crucifixion and death have been given emphasis in the observance. This can be attributed to the prevalent notion that the cross has salvific power. Redemption has been closely associated with pain and suffering. While Easter is considered the cornerstone of Christian faith, in practice people put emphasis on crucifixion.

Interestingly, attempts have been done by church authorities to dissuade rituals of self-inflicted pain and suffering in holy week celebration. Clergy, of various affiliations, consistently highlights the significance of resurrection in Lenten sermons and teaching. Still, it has not penetrated yet to the Filipino psyche. Filipinos are very much predisposed to suffering, according to Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz. “The Church can only do so much to highlight the importance of Easter among Filipinos because suffering and poverty as well as the love for children are already deeply rooted in Philippine culture,” he noted.

While working on this series of Lenten reflections, I remember the article of a Filipino Jesuit priest. It was published after the execution of three Filipinos abroad convicted of drug-related offense. Fr. Manoling V. Francisco contends that suffering is not virtuous, but love is. Suffering is not even redemptive per se. The love underlying the pain makes it salvific.

Does it negate then the impact of the sufferings of Jesus? Not really. Fr. Francisco qualifies his point: “Jesus’ physical torment and emotional anguish do not redeem us; his willingness to suffer for his convictions and out of love for us is that which saves.” You might be interested to read his article, in the April 3, 2011 edition of Philippine Star, When suffering becomes a virtue.

Why can’t I move mountains?

My sickness has given me sufficient time to rest, pray, meditate, read the bible, reflect and, of course, blog. All the wonderful experiences my previous hectic schedule deprived me. I find inspiration from these, which subsequently strengthen my faith. Inner renewal takes place in my life, almost every day.

During the critical period, when bed ridden, the bible became my constant companion. It continues to be, giving new insights and inspiration, no matter how many times I go over books, chapters and verses. Literally or symbolically, the scripture provides me relief, guidance, assurance, and strength.

I cannot count the frequency of revisiting the Gospel. So much so, at times, I found myself on the actual scene of the encounters of Jesus with harsh realities of life. It was not difficult for me to realize his frustration with established, exclusivist religious structure and leadership and the skirmishes that follow. Likewise, the consequent effect of stirring the hornet of exploitative system which takes its toll on his life and ministry. I understand the jubilation of his followers and the tensions created by the triumphant entry leading to his crucifixion. The inevitable price of standing for the way, the truth and the life. I can easily identify with his concern for the poor, the deprived, the oppressed. My social work experience and involvement in the people’s struggle during the dark years of dictatorial rule in our country made me sensitive to the situation.

I tried to literally follow his teachings on forgiveness, loving one’s enemies. Though difficult at first, I enjoyed its soothing effect to my soul. Even his teaching on refraining from worries about the cares of the world including the daily needs is feasible. Although not all the expected provision came, I continued to follow his teachings literally. Whereas before, skipping daily maintenance due to lack of resources made me panic. Now, I take it as part of my healing process. Of course, at times my heart complains when deprived for weeks of the medicine. But I have to assure it that all things will work together for good until I can find means to purchase the tablet.

Yes, I can attest that the teachings of Jesus are relevant, feasible and worthwhile. But I stumbled on some things. Foremost, is his teachings on faith on Mark 11:22-24: "Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Many times I tried but failed. I could not even move my health condition into another level, no matter how I applied suggestions on the power of faith or mind or a combination of both. Still I know the promise stands true. Meanwhile, I find refuge on the belief that the fullness of time will soon come. The delay is part of God’s preparation for future ministry.