Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Why can’t I move mountains?

My sickness has given me sufficient time to rest, pray, meditate, read the bible, reflect and, of course, blog. All the wonderful experiences my previous hectic schedule deprived me. I find inspiration from these, which subsequently strengthen my faith. Inner renewal takes place in my life, almost every day.

During the critical period, when bed ridden, the bible became my constant companion. It continues to be, giving new insights and inspiration, no matter how many times I go over books, chapters and verses. Literally or symbolically, the scripture provides me relief, guidance, assurance, and strength.

I cannot count the frequency of revisiting the Gospel. So much so, at times, I found myself on the actual scene of the encounters of Jesus with harsh realities of life. It was not difficult for me to realize his frustration with established, exclusivist religious structure and leadership and the skirmishes that follow. Likewise, the consequent effect of stirring the hornet of exploitative system which takes its toll on his life and ministry. I understand the jubilation of his followers and the tensions created by the triumphant entry leading to his crucifixion. The inevitable price of standing for the way, the truth and the life. I can easily identify with his concern for the poor, the deprived, the oppressed. My social work experience and involvement in the people’s struggle during the dark years of dictatorial rule in our country made me sensitive to the situation.

I tried to literally follow his teachings on forgiveness, loving one’s enemies. Though difficult at first, I enjoyed its soothing effect to my soul. Even his teaching on refraining from worries about the cares of the world including the daily needs is feasible. Although not all the expected provision came, I continued to follow his teachings literally. Whereas before, skipping daily maintenance due to lack of resources made me panic. Now, I take it as part of my healing process. Of course, at times my heart complains when deprived for weeks of the medicine. But I have to assure it that all things will work together for good until I can find means to purchase the tablet.

Yes, I can attest that the teachings of Jesus are relevant, feasible and worthwhile. But I stumbled on some things. Foremost, is his teachings on faith on Mark 11:22-24: "Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Many times I tried but failed. I could not even move my health condition into another level, no matter how I applied suggestions on the power of faith or mind or a combination of both. Still I know the promise stands true. Meanwhile, I find refuge on the belief that the fullness of time will soon come. The delay is part of God’s preparation for future ministry.

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